Up at the ungodessly hour of 4am this morning. My cat decided to do a pounce on my face and just really kept going until I woke up. Cup of coffee and time to work on my next painting. I decided to maintain the same structure in my work for 20 pieces. Not changing my direction has been a wonderful experience which is entirely exasperating, daunting and down right frustrating. Yesssss and no. I have just this day begun to see the good yes. A lot of emotions have come out … and that’s not always good for an artist. Too much can overwhelm and defeat. Keeping things on task has helped and defeats. Twenty years of this process and I know a good bit of myself and yet these other parts I have shielded myself from the ooze. I’m a pragmatist. What gets in the way of success isn’t going to happen. But giving myself the time to work on this “dark matter” and not believing I could/can manage it has helped me through not always an entirely pleasant experience. I have managed to transform some of it to the better and understand myself which is good for me and better for my artwork. I think it’s hard to be innocent in a predatory world. Better still that the predatory finds a different path.